Comprehending Engineers

Comprehending Engineers - Take One:   Two engineering students were walking <br />across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The <br />second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own <br />business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to <br />the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." "The <br />second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably <br />wouldn't have fit."<br /><br />Comprehending Engineers - Take Two:  To the optimist, the glass is half full. <br />To a pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice <br />as big as it needs to be.<br /><br />Comprehending Engineers-Take Three:   A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were <br />waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer <br />fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" <br />The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!  <br />"The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with <br />him." [dramatic pause] "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? <br />They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, <br />that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our <br />clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free <br />anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so <br />sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, <br />"Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if <br />there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these <br />guys play at night?"<br /><br />Comprehending Engineers-Take Four:   There was an engineer who had an <br />exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company <br />loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the <br />company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were <br />having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried <br />everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail.  In <br />desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of <br />their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.  He <br />spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a <br />small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, <br />"This is where your problem is".  The part was replaced and the machine <br />worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the <br />engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his <br />charges. The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark, $1.  Knowing where <br />to put it, $49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in <br />peace.<br /><br />Comprehending Engineers-Take Five:   What is the difference between <br />Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?<br />Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.<br /><br />Comprehending Engineers-Take Six:   Three engineering students were gathered <br />together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It <br />was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, <br />it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of <br />electrical connections." The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer.  <br />Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"<br /><br />Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven:   "Normal people ... believe that if it <br />ain't broke, don't fix it."  Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it <br />doesn't have enough features yet.<br /><br />Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight:   An architect, an artist and an engineer <br />were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a <br />mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid <br />foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time <br />with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.  The <br />engineer said, "I like both."  "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife <br />and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other <br />woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."<br /><br />Comprehending Engineers - Take Nine:  An engineer was crossing a road one day <br />when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a <br />beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his <br />pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back <br />into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer <br />took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. <br />The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, <br />I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the <br />frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog <br />asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that <br />I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss <br />me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a <br />girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"

Singer Yusuf Islam plays first US show in 33 years

LOS ANGELES, May 12 — With a wry nod to his problems with American immigration authorities, British folk singer Yusuf Islam performed his first US concert in 33 years yesterday, treating 400 fans to classics from his youthful days when he was known as Cat Stevens.

The 60-year-old musician treated the invitation-only crowd to an hour long set that included such hits as “Peace Train,” “Wild World” and “Where Do the Children Play?” as well as a selection of tunes from his new album, “Roadsinger.”

Singer Yusuf Islam, formerly known as Cat Stevens, performs a sound check ahead of his concert at El Rey theatre in Los Angeles, yesterday. – Reuters pic

Looking professorial with his full gray beard, chequered shirt and sleeveless jacket, the bespectacled singer sprinkled his performance with light hearted banter.

“I bet you thought we’d never make it,” he said at the outset, later explaining that he was referring to his 2004 deportation from the United States after his name appeared on a “no-fly” watch list designed to weed out suspected terrorists.

Islam, who became a Muslim in 1977 and abandoned his pop star life, ran afoul of authorities who alleged he supports charities that ultimately funnel money to terrorist groups.

Islam denied the allegations and has frequently spoken out against terrorism. He has since returned to the United States on several occasions.

But he encountered bureaucratic difficulties on his current visit. An unspecified work-visa issue forced him to cancel a planned May 3 show in New York, leaving Los Angeles as his sole American date.

He has said he plans to perform a handful of shows around the world to promote “Roadsinger,” only his second mainstream pop release in three decades. But no dates have been announced beyond the American pair. It was not known if the New York show would be rescheduled.

Islam last performed in the United States in early 1976, by which time he was becoming disenchanted with his pop career amid declining sales. After a London show in 1979, he focused solely on his family and faith.

He made a tentative return to the pop world in 2006 with the album “An Other Cup,” and promoted it with an intimate London show that was filmed for a DVD.

Yesterday’s show at the El Rey Theatre, which was organised by the record label, was also filmed. Accompanied by a four-man band, Islam sang and played his acoustic guitar. A number of celebrities attended the show, including Irish actor Colin Farrell and singers Josh Groban, Chris Isaak, and Michelle Branch.

Many songs were greeted with standing ovations. During the two-song encore, they cheered the line “Look at me, I am old but I’m happy” from “Father and Son,” and clapped along to “Peace Train.” — Reuters

ZZ Top - Sharp Dressed Man